the holiday blooes

as much as i love christmas, it stresses me out.
let me rephrase that.
every christmas, as much as i love my mom, she stresses me out.
it's a tug-of-war every christmas. i don't think i'm in the wrong either.

Background info: every year, i have a massive migraine because every year, my mother expects me (and jason) to spend christmas with them. we've been together 4 years and the last 3 christmases, we've spent with my parents. mind you, when jason's parents fly in from saskatchewan, my mother still wants us at her house for christmas. last year, jason's parents stayed in saskatchewan and his sister and her family went to go see them. so last year was ok. the two years before that though....different story.

my mother's opinion is that since jason and i aren't "officially" married, i shouldn't be spending christmas with his family because they're "technically" not my family. my mother thinks that i should spend christmas with her and my dad. the weird thing is she doesn't realize that i also consider Jason as my family. she doesn't seem to care if the only way for that to happen (this year) is for jason and i to spend the holidays apart. i don't agree with that.

Here's the situation: This year, jason's parents are coming for Christmas. They're flying in from saskatchewan. Since we've spent christmas with my parents the past 3 years, I thought it would only be fair that we spent christmas with jason's family. I told my mother that back in November, hoping she can ease into this. she was very disagreeable. clearly, upset. she even regurgitated all i've said above about not being technically married, etc. i guess until we're married, our relationship doesn't count as anything serious or worth mentioning. but i'm pretty sure she would behave the same way if we were married. i don't get that. anyway, mother is upset. very upset. we haven't talked about it since because honestly, i don't want to. but we're going to have to. and when we do, my mother will be pulling out the big guns. the almighty-over-the-top-filipino-catholic GUILT TRIP. my mother knows how to lay it on, and she lays it on really thick. i told her our plans: that we will spend christmas eve and go to midnight mass with her and my dad, but christmas day, we'll be spending the morning at our own apartment and have dinner with jason's family. she does not approve. she even told me that she'll think that over. think what over? this is what we're doing. if you don't agree, well, i don't know what to say.

for once, i'd like to spend christmas the way i want. i'm trying to compromise to make everyone happy but my mother won't have any of it. it's her way or the highway.

what do you say to someone like that? honestly, i think it's selfish that she expects me to center my holidays around what she wants me to do. she treats me like i'm 12 years old. i should be able to enjoy the holidays the way i wish instead of trying to appease everyone. the last time this same dilemma came about, my auntie tet was in town and she insisted that i go straight from work to her house to see my aunt. (it was also christmas eve and since we were spending christmas day with my family, we planned on spending xmas eve with jason's family. i told my mom i'd drop by after work, but i wanted to go home first and get some things done.) she called me at work at 9am and gave me the guilt trip of a lifetime: "You don't want to be with your family? your auntie is here from california! why are you being like that? why don't you come here to see her now?" so, of course, the dutiful and pathetic thing i am, i caved and went straight to my parents. i got there around 12:45 pm. where was everyone? IN BED SLEEPING. wtf. that's the last time i cave in.

next year, jason and i will either:
a) go on vacation during the holidays
b) tell everyone to come to our place on christmas

this is too much. i'm going to die of a heart attack. i know it.